I'm Falling In Love, But It's Falling Apart
by DarknessInLightness
Summary: Allen Walker; trapped in a mental hospital is stuck with a case of "Noah". A friend, long ago forgotten returns to his side. will he ever remember? if he does, will he believe his past? can Kanda's bad nature stop for a second or two to show Allen who he once was? Will Allen ever return home? will he want to go home? why not read to find out? the story is better promise. Yullen
1. There was a new girl in town, She had

so this was inspired by the song into your arms by The Maine so i might be taking some lyrics from the song. they might be a bit out of order and sometimes i won't use any at all. i personally like Viinurify's edited edition she titled it "BACK to the start" it's an AMV for FMA so i'll be using all the lines she has.

btw: i'm not going to say it over and over: "i don't own -Man." so if you forget come here to the first chapter... XD

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"There was a new girl in town...

She had it all figured out..."

* * *

I hated being here. Locked up like this. I didn't even do it.

My mind wandered to thoughts about my adopted father who loved and cared for me. They said I killed him. They say I'm infected with something called "Noah". It's catchable and may people working here avoid me. I don't mind. After all: I'd rather not hurt them.

The first time I realized how dangerous I was some bullies tried to hurt me in the physic ward lunch line. All they did was touch me and I blacked out. I woke up to red every where. On the walls. Hell in places I didn't think possible. I found bloody hearts around the room scattered like confetti and a few organs strung around like ribbon on a nicely decorated box. Someone had a party. A sick psych party.

I hardly realized it was me until I noticed I was the only one alive in the contained room. People came in and tazered me to the floor. I blacked out and woke up with a straightjacket on. I breathed slowly a sick feeling in my stomach.

My counselor came and had me escorted to the "interrogation room". He showed me the surveillance cameras and I finally couldn't take it any more and I looked to the ground in pain and shame as myself on the screen ripped apart the only friend I had here. I stared at my lap tears gathering in my eyes.

That was a good ten years ago. I'm fifteen now and have learned to control my darker self. The Noah sickness is when you not only have a split personality but a complex realistic one. It has its own name and knows perfectly well it doesn't belong in its host's body. It's so strong that it changes physical appearances.

I sat and stared at the wall my head pounding as I laid it back on the wall behind me. "14th?" a male scientist by the name of Red opened my door just a crack the opening to the wall so he couldn't see me cause the door was in the corner. Red was the only one of those psych wards who actually talked to me. He also opened my door to look at me. He'd even smile. At one time he opened my door only I wasn't Allen. I was someone else. That person broke his arm and ran for the exit. He got lost in the labyrinth of halls though and before I knew it I woke up lost in there. The guards found me and took me to the floor. Red's never opened the door fully until he knows it's me scence then.

"It's me." I said softly pulling my knees to my chest ignoring my annoying white jacket.

Red opened the door to show himself. He had long orange/red hair pulled back into a ponytail low on his neck. On his face were some glasses that highlighted his blue eyes. He wore a gray shirt black pants and an ankle long white lab coat.

"Allen." he said a smile on his face "how are you?" he asked sitting on the floor in the doorway. Everyone could see when I started changing into someone else. Red would childishly sit in the doorway and talk with me; if I ever started changing he would close and lock the door.

"fine." I smiled with a lie. My body hurt a lot. It always did now days and I'm surprised I'm not numb to it now.

"Himm." Red hummed annoyed. He always knew I lied to keep others for worrying about me. It wasn't that I didn't want people to feel bad for me; it was because I refused to believe there was anything wrong with me. Much like the other "Noahs". There are 14 of us in all. I was the last to be infected so instead of trying to tell which name to call me they call us by number. In fact I knew there was nothing wrong with me; there was something wrong with the 14th. "Well…" Red sighed and placed his fist on his chin and his elbow on his knee. "You remember my sister right?" he said a slight laugh on his voice.

I nodded once to let him know I remembered the bouncy albino. She had long stark white hair much like mine only hers was even longer then mine. Her hair reached far passed the floor so she put it up in a ponytail and braided it to the ends. Other than that, her bangs reached chin length and curled to the side naturally covering her ears. She was blind so her eyes where a dulled neon blue. She got around well by sound however.

"She kinda convinced me…" he paused and put his hand over his mouth so the cameras in my room couldn't see him. "Cough, forged my signature, cough" he put his hand back in his lap and continued his story. "To sign an intern thing. So now I'll be having an intern come in and work along with me on my rounds."

"I see." I smiled. I could feel it didn't quite fit my eyes so I closed them to keep him from seeing the lie I made with my voice and face. "So you won't be seeing me for awhile right?" I laughed a bit at the end shifting my legs so I now sat crisscross on my bed.

Red laughed at my lie and smiled and said. "I talked with my boss and he said that if I had to chose any Noah to introduce my intern to it would be you." He paused and looked at his lap. "He said you're well behaved and easier to show to newbies."

I frowned and looked at my lap as well. "Even with…" I heard myself trail off but I didn't have the guts to say it.

"Even though your arm is burnt black and there's a scar on your face." Red laughed and stood up. "One more thing…" he swallowed and paused, making me perk up to listen. "I knew it'd make you upset so I saved it for last…" he reached in and took the door handle. "I'll be going on vacation so it'll just be you and the intern for a month." He smiled and slammed the door quickly. He'd be right to because that's when I blacked out.

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I know Red is the first name Allen had but I won't be using it in this story but I do personally like the name. Red and Midnight Moon are my oc's who are more like doctors with actual names so don't worry about them they just fill in places I may need filled. the next chapter is in Kanda's pov.

so read, review, and like, all comments on spelling or use of my words are welcome. ^_^


	2. And I'll State Something Rash

i just want to let you know Kanda's pov is in bold while Allen's is in basic. another thing... this is my first -man Fic so if they are ooc please excuse me for this one it's all ready completed but i'll be sure to do better on the next one.

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"And I'll state something rash."

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**I ran out to my car in the rain. Damn that stupid rabbit… why did he sign me up for that intern at the loony house! Honestly I know I can reverse phycology him but I'm not a fucking therapist! I will ring his little neck when I get back!**

**I hopped into my car and drove to Ark physic health hospital. I hopped out and went to the front desk. There was an albino at the desk her eyes showed that she was blind. I didn't care but honestly a blind person working on paperwork? That's disaster.**

**"Coming so early you must be the intern for Dr. Moon right?" the girl laughed. "I'm Midnight Moon, his older twin sister, he prefers if I do his paperwork." She said and pulled out a sheet from one of the plastic boxes beside her. "He made this up for you because on coincidence he's getting vacation time for a month." I scowled. So even the doctors don't want to be here. "Just go to the people on this list and talk to them." She put the paper on the desk before me and tapped her fingers on the desk to quickly find her pen. "Sign here and any important instructions are hand done on the back." She smiled then looked down at her computer and pressed a button that read to her what she had written on her document so far into some headphones that went in one ear. "Watch out for Walker by the way. He's not mean but I have to warn you or I'll be in big trouble." She shrugged then took up her work once again.**

**I looked at my paper and read the names and room numbers… Walker? Walker, Walker… ah found it. Allen Walker… there's an arrow by it so I flipped it over.**

**"If Walker faints or spaces out DO NOT ENTER THE ROOM! Close the door and head to your next patient. Walker has Noah. I can't tell you what that is but know he can and will hurt you no matter how tied up he is. Lock the door and walk away or you will be killed. I repeat KILLED. Sorry to do this to you Walker needs daily care and he doesn't quite like my partner."**

**I stared at the hand scrawled words and I nearly twitched. He was leaving me with a psycho path… I sighed and went to my first name on the list.**

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I sat in my room staring at the ceiling. Red's leaving me with someone I don't even know… it wasn't that I didn't like new things it was that I worried on how he would treat me. I had been up all morning worrying about it.

My door burst open and I jumped up letting out a scream as the door hit the wall behind it. My head snapped in the direction of the door to see a young adult that was extremely pissed off slamming my door open. "Let's get this over with!" he said walking right in my room and sitting at the end of my bed his arms crossed. "What the fuck's your problem?" he growled.

I was so shocked and frightened of his voice and actions I just stared at him for a moment.

"Breath Moyashi…" he growled and ran his hand though his bangs in irritation.

"M-Moyashi?"I asked surprised. I had learned Jap from my teacher that would come in when I was younger but miss nine has been long gone and I haven't been able to keep up my skills. Moyashi? Didn't that mean-?

"Yes you're a Moyashi…"

"I am not a bean sprout!" I snapped and threw my legs over the side of the bed so I could sit up better.

"So it talks…" the man rolled his eyes.

He wore a black and white school uniform with scary looking black boots. What drew me most were people's physical features. He had long black hair dyed a slight blue. His eyes where a dark blue much like his hair and he held a scowl on his face as if it had been there all his life this face fitting the look better than anyone else's could. His hair was pulled up with a red scarf of some kind and it reached his lower back.

"I-I can to talk!" I frowned and my voice cracked because I hardly use it locked up in here.

"That is what I just said." He shook his head in disapproval and held back a… what laugh? I guess that's what it was.

"You're a jerk." I frowned and leaned back on the wall by my bed.

"Whatever." He sighed and leaned back as well.

Silence fell over us and I sat quietly. My thoughts wandered.

Did he know what was wrong with me? Why would he just walk into my room like that? Who was this guy?

"Spacing out Moyashi?" he asked staring at the wall across from my bed.

"no." I sighed and pulled my legs up to sit crisscross on my bed.

"Then aren't you supposed to be talking?" he said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and sighed once. "Fine what's on my mind right? That's what you want to know. So you can pick it apart and tell me things I already know. I know there's nothing wrong with me. even Red agrees but instead he leaves for vacation so I'm stuck with a jerk who's insulting me and I still don't even know his name." I sighed once more after my rant and opened my closed eyes. I started at the wall for a moment while I waited for him to answer.

"Not like I care what you think of me. I'm Kanda and that's all I am." He said uncrossing his arms and placing them behind his head.

"Kanda." I said once to myself then laughed a bit. "Bakanda." I felt him glaring at me so I turned my head to look at him. "Ow!" I exclaimed as my hair was pulled from being caught in between the wall and my shoulders. I hissed a bit and shook my head. After all I couldn't take my jacket off and rub the sore on my head.

"You should learn to put your hair back or something." Kanda rolled his eyes at me.

"Shut up Bakanda." I pouted and flicked what I could of my hair to one side.

"Can it Moyashi you are in no place to call me names." He said as he got up of my bed and walked over to my door.

"Are you leaving?" I asked looking up at him.

Kanda nodded and started to pull the door closed behind him.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. Why I wasn't sure why at first then I remembered and I became hesitant to ask.

Kanda stopped and turned around to look at me.

I swallowed the frog in my throat and spoke what was on my mind. "d-do you know what I am?" I asked staring at my lap.

"You're an annoying bean sprout who doesn't think anything's wrong with him and doesn't belong here what else are you." He shrugged and walked out the door closing it behind him. I stared in mind shock at the closed doors until I relaxed and placed my head on the wall.

If Kanda knew who I was why didn't I know who he was?

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spelling can be fixed if i bothers you i'm lazy and just use spellcheck on my computer so i din't know how it turned out...


	3. She Had The Most Amazing Smile

"She had the most amazing...

smile."

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**Besides meeting Allen my day passed boringly and I pissed off and finished with the rest of my patients. I walked to the dorms of my collage lost in thought. Allen was different than the others. He was totally sane. Something fishy was up with the way he acted though. It was as if he was thinking about me to hard. I didn't want Allen to remember me. If he was better of not knowing who I was then I would let him forget me. If he didn't have to remember the pain of what happened to his face and arm then I would gladly move on.**

**The day they told me Allen didn't remember was the day I saw him as dead. That was the day I decided I would die with him. I've never smiled after that and I promised I never would but he makes me want to change. He makes me want to smile again.**

**"Yuu-Chan!" my annoying rabbit of a friend called as he tried to hug me. I nearly growled but all I did was step aside so he hit the wall face first. Honestly what roommate would try to anger you on purpose? **

**"Shut the fuck up Usagi!" I spat hoping he'd back off. **

**"Wow you're really mad this time." He blinked as he pulled himself off the ground. Well it kind worked. "What's got you so worked up?" **

**That's when it hit me. "You signed me up for some crazy people shit!" I yelled grabbing his shirt and threatening his face.**

**Mugen started barking as she jumped up off my bed and circled our feet. Mugen was still a puppy so I accepted her actions a bit. "Mugen knock it off." I growled letting the rabbit go and I stormed to my bed sitting on the edge as she stopped barking and joined me laying on my lap for attention. **

**"Sooooo?" the red headed rabbit persisted sitting on the bed across from mine. "How was it?" he smirked.**

**"I hate you." I said simply Mugen's presence calming me a bit and I pet her head. She was a black and white Rottweiler. Her mother was albino but her father was pure bread Rottie. I guess I picked her from the litter because she was the only one of them without a spot of brown on her. Her white eyebrows shifted in slight worry as she looked back and forth between the rabbit and I. she didn't like him as much as I didn't but she's learned to deal with him better then I have. She won't take treats from him and would tackle him to the ground if I asked. She's even bitten him before. Mugen still has her long skinny tail that hurts to be hit by and she was very sleek for the tank like body she was meant to have. She was an all-around strange but good looking dog.**

**"Well you'll thank me when you realize how insane you are as well." The damned rabbit laughed. That is before I punched him in the face.**

* * *

Kanda will be coming by every day from now on… oh boy this will be just… fun…

My door slammed open again and I jumped with a squeak sitting up from my sleep rudely awoken by Kanda. I stat frozen for a minute before I looked over at Kanda who stood in my doorway pissed off. "Your jacket's off." He frowned looking at me.

That's when I remembered I'm allowed to sleep with it off and that my black arm could be seen. I awkwardly looked at my lap and then ran my hand through my bangs. "Y-yeah…" I said a slight nervous laugh mixing in. I swallowed my pride and got up from under my sheets to show my plain boxers. I walked over to where my jacket and pj pants were folded and washed. I took my jps first and slipped those on before following with my annoying white jacket. I did the strap between my legs so I couldn't slip it off and then glanced at Kanda. "Ummm…" I drew it out and simply stared for a moment. I couldn't hold back the thought that Kanda looked… well… hot. I'm not sure where that came from but it was no secret that I wasn't into girls.

"What do you want Moyashi." Kanda glared from his now clamed spot on the end of my bed. He had sat there when I started changing. I looked away and slipped the sleeves over my bear arms I looked at the wall away from Kanda as I asked trying to hide my blush.

"Could you help with…" I trailed off hoping he knew what I was saying. I heard Kanda get up and his boots on the tile floor told me he was walking over to me. I felt his knuckles brush my back as he grabbed the leather straps to hold the back in place. I waited quietly trying to ignore him as if he were my therapist, Red. It didn't work well and I was to busy spa sing out in my head to realize that he woul-

"Ah!" I jumped as he reached around me for the sleeve straps.

"It's not like I'm gona kill you Moyashi…" I heard him grumble in my ear making me shiver and freeze staring at the floor to hide my face. Honestly why couldn't he see he was a tease. "Are you going to give me your arms or what?" He rolled his eyes.

I quickly crossed my arms but didn't answer. "Thank you." He said sarcastically and took the straps behind my back to lock the ends together with a buckle. He let go and walked over to my bed sitting at the end and crossing his legs on my bed as I had done the day before and leaned back on the white wall. I turned around and stopped before the bed. I didn't want to have to worm my way on there with him watching… I crossed my legs and sat down crisscross on the floor my back on the bed frame.

"You're quiet today." Kanda commented just staring at the wall before us. "You aren't spacing out are you?" he laughed as I didn't answer to the first thing.

"no." I sighed and worked up the nerve to lay my head back so it sat on the top of my mattress. "Just giving you room to lecture." I said.

"They lecture. I don't." Kanda frowned and glanced down at me.

I blushed and avoided his eyes staring at the ceiling. "You like that celling don't you." Kanda asked rolling his eyes with sarcasm.

"It's been there for as long as I can remember. The same ceiling… it's been untouched by bleach or anything…" I laughed a bit then stared at it counting the little lightning marks on the tile up there.

"Himm…" Kanda nodded in agreement but didn't look away from me. His looks sent chills down my spine. It was as if he was looking into my soul.

"hey." I finally spoke drawing him from a little trance. "You don't really want to be here do you?" I laughed.

Kanda nodded and looked back at the wall across from us. "I'm learning to like it though."

"Why?" I asked turning around to look at him.

Kanda didn't answer.

"fine." I sighed and looked at my lap.

* * *

**The two of us sat in a calming silence. If Allen could remember me he'd know how often we did this as children. I remember all the times he just sat in my arms crying without sound, the two of us waiting for a life to come pick us up. Waiting for a family. When one came along to take Allen away it was harder than I thought. A traveling circus took him in and I only saw him once a year for about a weak. That's all I needed to see how unhappy he was. No matter how much he smiled deep down he was afraid of his uncle and even some times he was afraid of his father. He'd come running to me when they would fight. He'd stay with me and talk about something to get it off his mind. Until his father came and begged for forgiveness. Allen would just smile and hug him. He was such a forgiving child I couldn't help but do the same. I could see the hurt Mana felt for scaring his boy so I never hated Mana. It wasn't the same for Neah though. I hated him. I remember Allen's new act in the circus. He fell from the rope and… he hit the landing pad but he still broke his leg. The tent suddenly caught fire and it began to come down on the stage. Everyone ran. I went to look for Allen but couldn't find him. That is until I saw his brown hair dash around the corner of the tent opening. I followed to see his arm burnt to a crisp. Without thinking I watched him run in front of a car.**

**"Kanda?" I blinked out of my memory and looked over at the new Allen sitting beside me. "Why do you walk in here?" he asked concern in his voice.**

**Why would I just walk in here? I read the back of that paper more than twice and it says do not enter the room in capitals. I guess it's because: "there's nothing wrong with you." I paused. "Why wouldn't I?"**

**Allen just got quiet for a moment then asked. "Why are you here so early?" he changed the subject!**

**"Because I pissed off the other patients enough they refuse to see me anymore." I said closing my eyes and giving a shrug. You know it's funny but Allen makes me speak my mind. I can't tell if it's the silence or the fact that he still acts the same as before. **

**Allen laughed once or twice. "I guess I can see that, Bakanda."**

**I nearly twitched. Oh how I hated when he called me that name. "Moyashi." I said glaring at him for a warning.**

**"I'm not a beansprout." He said looking away from me and pouting.**

**I almost laughed. Not full on but it was funny and cute enough that it almost broke the shell I made that hadn't even been cracked before. "Sure you aren't, Moyashi." I rolled my eyes.**

**"Shut up Bakanda." He said and pulled his legs up to his chest.**

**I simply got quiet staring at him. He looked so sad. I wanted to help him. I want to make him feel better but I feel like any move I make will make him remember who I am. A thought came to my head. **

**Allen lying on the street. When we both thought he was dead. He handed me that little red handkerchief he always wore. The one I wore to this day.**

**I stared down at Allen. I wish I could see his face. His hair's gotten to damn long. That's when I decided to give it back to him.**

**I took the handkerchief from my hair that was also held back by a black rubber band and I took Allen's hair in my hands.**

**He jumped and whipped around to look at me almost afraid. I guess I startled him. I just tugged one of the farther strands of hair making him turn his head back. I pulled his hair back into one bundle then tied the red handkerchief around it successfully pulling his hair into a low ponytail. "there." Was all I could hear myself say.**

**"Thank you but I…" Allen was going to protest as he looked at the ends over his shoulder.**

**"You're welcome Moyashi." I said patting his head a bit roughly. **

**"I-I can't keep this." He said nervously looking up at me.**

**"It's a gift you better fucking keep it." I growled. Honestly. I give him something that was his and he doesn't even want it.**

**"Thank you." Allen smiled brightly a slight blush on his face. I could see every time he blushed. I just didn't say anything about it because I didn't want to tell him I felt the same when to him we both just meat two days ago.**

**"Later, Moyashi." I said standing up and walking for the door.**

**"Wha…" I heard Allen panic a bit and then I felt his eyes on my back. "It's Allen, Bakanda!" I heard him shout as I closed the door.**

**I almost laughed. Almost.**


	4. Ill Bet You Didn't Expect That

"I bet you didn't expect that."

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Honestly what was up with that guy? First he does something nice then he insults me without saying a proper goodbye. Really?!

I got up and crawled my way onto my bed and laid down staring at the ceiling. I felt my head pounding and I tried to shake it away. It didn't work and next thing I know I'm waking up in the hallway; lost.

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Three weeks later… (they've been learning about each other with simple questions- I want to get on with the plot but I can add extra chapters if you'd like some :D )

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I woke up in my room to the sound of people cleaning my walls. Midnight was one of the many people helping; I asked her what happened. "Well you see…" she trailed off a slight laugh in her voice. I glared at her softly demanding she give me an answer. That's when I saw what was behind her. In blood on the walls. "I am Neah." My breath caught and I backed away. My head bumped the wall behind me and pain shot through me. I wish my hands were free but Midnight did it for me. "careful." She frowned and rubbed my head for me. "The 14th bashed you open to get that on the walls." He said her eyes holding sadness.

"I-I see…" I sighed and relaxed a bit more. "At least it's my blood and no one else's." I said relieved.

"Yeah." Midnight laughed and scratched the back of her head. "Only…" she trailed off again.

"Only?" I questioned concerned.

She bit her lip then sighed. "Your leg was broken as well… your bone was sticking through the skin." She swallowed.

M-My leg?! I looked at my leg that was bandaged and the gauze was still bloody. "w-why?" I asked a bit panicked.

"It was to get more blood to use on the walls." She said glancing in that direction even if she was blind. She shrugged. "I've never seen the 14th use self-mutilation to do this before."

"Before?" I asked glaring at her.

She froze then turned around to look at me with her soulless eyes. "yeah." She bit her lip. "He's left messages before." She said scratching her sleeved arm. Actually I noticed she's never worn short sleeves for a good long month. "He often says things along the lines of 'stay away from my nephew' or 'don't touch Allen' one time he even said 'let him forget'." She shrugged and started for the door. "That's more then I was allowed to tell you." She said sadly and closed the door.

The cleanup crew finished and exited as well. I lay back on my bed tiredly and then I glanced at the clock on my ceiling far too high for anyone to reach. It was late at night so I decided to head for bed.

* * *

**When they told me Allen had an accident I thought they meant a break down so I had decided that I would leave him alone for a day. I called in sick and then I got a call from another so called friend: Leanalee lee. She called me early in the morning and claimed she felt like she was being followed. I didn't really care about what her problems were but her crazy bat shit older brother threatened me with one of his robots if I didn't try to protect his sister. He along with my so called friends knew I didn't look at girls.**

**"Kanda could you bring Mugen to stay with me at work." She begged. I sighed and looked over at Mugen who was wagging her tail happily. As much exercise I give her she's still full of it. Mugen loved Leanlee. Heck Mugen was more of her guardian then she was my dog. Mugen wouldn't even let me more than a foot close to Leanlee. Not that I would want to be. I just nodded then remembered that the girl on the phone couldn't see me. "Che." I said in annoyance. "whatever." I sighed and picked up Mugen's caller. She didn't need a leash. For a puppy she was well behaved. All thanks to me and my training. Mugen wouldn't hurt anyone I told her not to even if it is against her judgment.**

**"Thank you Kanda!" Leanalee smiled on the other end of the phone. "By the way could you help me with something?" She pleaded. I grunted annoyed in response. "We have this puppy here…" she paused. Leanalee worked at the animal shelter and she often asked me or the rabbit to help out in finding homes for the animals in crisis there. "He's been here for a while and no one wants him because he's misbehaved and over energetic. We've held off the date for a long time because I believed someone would pick him but he's out of time." She said sadly. I heard her shift around on the other end. I had a feeling she was whipping her tears.**

**"And?" I asked annoyed. As annoyed or uncaring I made myself seam I did feel for the dog. He was like Allen. He was different so no one wanted him. The only person who wanted him would be someone different like him.**

**"He needs a home by the end of tomorrow." She said. "Could you please help me?"**

**"Fine!" I snapped. I honestly just wanted her to stop crying. "I get it." I growled.**

**"Thank you!" she chimed happily squealing in my ear over the phone. I sighed and hung up know she was done. I slipped the caller on Mugen and started out the door her trailing alongside me.**

**I meet up with Leanalee who Mugen ran circles around to show how happy she was. And the three of us headed to Leanalee's work.**

**As we walked to the doors I stopped, making Mugen run circles around Leanalee to get her attention, and she started barking at me. "Huh? Kanda what is it?" she asked as I stared at the long haired blind Albino standing by the doors to be let in. Leanalee looked between us then asked. "Do you know her?"**

**"She works at the loony bin." I sighed with a frown running my hands though my bangs in irritation. **

**"I see." She said then walked right up to Midnight. "Can I help you?" she asked.**

**"Ah." Midnight jumped. "Is it six already?" she said shocked.**

**"Five forty." Leanalee smiled sticking her keys in the door.**

**"Oh sorry." Midnight laughed and scratched the back of her head. "I came early to take a look at the new puppies." She laughed. "I called my brother and he said I should get a puppy for someone at the Ark."**

**"The new puppies." Leanlee smiled and opened the door. "Come on in I'll show you I have to give a picture to one of my friends real quick."**

**"What's it a picture of?" Midnight asked tilting her head in question.**

**"Just a puppy who's become a little too old." Leanalee sighed waving me in. I walked in after Midnight refusing to speak in case she recognized me.**

**"How old?" Midnight asked then paused with surprise. "Kanda?" she turned around to look at me.**

**At first I refused to answer but she had caught me. "What if it is?" I glared at her.**

**"I thought I recognized the sound of your boots." She laughed. "Did you get my call about Walker?" she asked concerned.**

**"Yeah. I called in sick." I said back taking the picture Leanalee handed me. **

**It was a picture of a dark golden lab with lighter gold markings. His eyebrows were lighter along with a golden looking cross on his chest. The under part of his fluffy husky tail was light gold as well and he had long light gold stockings with white gloves. In other words his paws where white and after that was a layer of light gold to his elbows. His eyes were a beautiful blue that shined brightly with happiness and curiosity. **

**"I called Red and talked to him about it and he said Allen might be lonely and that's what caused his Noah to act up. He said I should get a puppy for him." Midnight shrugged and then sighed sadly. "Only thing is, Red actually knows what Walker would like in a pet. Sure he and I are friends but all I really do is patch him up clean and keep his records straight." She then turned to me. "You know Allen well enough to know what to look for in a dog for him right!" she smiled brightly.**

**"I guess." I said rolling my eyes. Gold caught my eye and I looked back down at the picture in my hands. Hyperactive and misbehaved. Allen's room has nothing in it and Allen's got all the time in the world to play with him. "What's this dog's name?" I asked looking to Leanalee who was straightening out her desk.**

**"His name is Timcampy." She smiled then joined out conversation. "Why?" she asked.**

**"Someone needs a pet where I work." Midnight smiled. "Kanda knows him best at the moment so I asked for his help picking out a dog." **

**"You think Tim's the kind of dog he needs?" Leanalee asked a bit disturbed. "Tim's hyperactive and misbehaved."**

**Midnight laughed. "If Walker was allowed to he'd run up and down the halls for hours." She paused to stop laughing. "There's nothing in his room to eat or chew anyway." Midnight shrugged.**

**"I guess if you want him." Leanalee shrugged. "I'll go get him then." She said walking off.**

**Midnight turned and glared at me. "If this dog bites Allen… it's dead." She said before smiling again and heading to the door. "Could you bring the dog over for me I'm in a car and I'd rather not have dog puke in my friend's car." She laughed.**

**I stared at her slightly disturbed. She just threatened me. Didn't she? **

**"Here." Leanalee smiled coming around the corner with the puppy on a leash. "Huh?" she looked around. "Where'd she go?"**

**"I'll take him." I rolled my eyes and took the leash. "Watch Mugen for me." I said patting her head as I passed by with Tim who tried to smell her as I pulled him along.**

**"Thank you Kanda." Leanalee smiled and waved as I left.**

**I saw Midnight hop into a car with another girl who had brown wavy hair and bright blue eyes. They pulled out of the parking lot and drove off. I rolled my eyes at them. Girls… I walked Tim to Ark who was trying to pull me everywhere. I finally couldn't take it and I picked him up. He was slightly too big to be picked up and look normal but he was small enough that it wasn't hard.**

**The doors opened for me and Midnight sat at her desk sighing over and over as she worked on her computer. She got so frustrated she placed her hand on her forehead and sat in shame.**

**"Problems?" I asked. Sure I was gloating a bit but I couldn't help it.**

**"Yeah my girlfriend broke up with me." she laughed. "I'd say that's a problem." She looked up and glared at me. "Yuu Kanda." She smirked. I froze and then I glared at her. "I know who you are." She laughed bitterly. "I read the reports." She said then looked down at her lap. "You know he'll never remember those days right? Is condition is permanent." She said and sighed looking up at me. "You can try to make him remember but the chances are 1 out of 99 that he will remember." She said staring sadly. "I was told if any one tried to make him remember I was to send them away." She paused then laughed. "But when to I follow orders not from my brother." She pointed down the hall with her pen. "He wants to remember his past so I've slipped him some meds to help maybe get his memory back." She said then waved me off. "What are you waiting for go." She laughed.**

**I was too shocked to really possess what she had just said. All I knew was that this was a chance to get Allen to remember me. As much as I didn't want him to I couldn't help the chance. If Allen wanted to remember then I'd give him the chance to come back. I ran down the halls Tim clutched in my arms. I rounded the corner and threw the door open.**

**Allen was on his bed. He didn't jump when I opened the door. He rolled his head to the side and looked at me. He looked so tired. So weak.**

**"Kanda?" he called.**

**I put Tim down and sat at the end of his bed. "Aren." I said worried.**

**He looked at me surprised for a second then he laughed softly. "No wonder you refused to say my name." I glared at him softly. He smiled more. "You look silly." I just looked at him confused and a bit disturbed.**

**Silence fell over us.**


	5. She Made Me Change My Ways

I want to make a comment _this_ is a little hard to see in the middle of something but those are meant to be like memories.

* * *

"But she made me change my ways."

* * *

Kanda stared at me with those piercing eyes of his and I couldn't help but smile and blush. "You want to remember your past?" he asked. I nodded once. I did. It's been nagging me for as long as I can remember. Literally.

"You were in foster care. Your foster father's name was Mana and he had a brother named Neah." Kanda said his voice holding some sadness. I sat frozen the image on the wall. The one the 14th left. "I am Neah!" "Neah didn't like you and Mana protected you from him. You'd run away and hide somewhere. And when you came to your home town you'd run to a friend you've had for a long time. His name was Yuu Kanda." Kanda said as he brushed some hair from my face. I sat stunned. Kanda? No way. I knew Kanda back then? "You lived with the traveling circus brothers for a few years and Yuu hardly saw you. He missed you a lot." I saw Kanda's eyes flash with something I haven't seen from him before as he looked away from my eyes. "He came every night to your act. Your act failed and the tent caught on fire." Kanda paused and sighed backing away. "It collapsed on the stage and Yuu couldn't find you anywhere. Then he saw you leave the tent. He went after you but you were trapped in fear and pain of your burnt arm so you ran into traffic. You got struck and the decal of the hood ornament marked your forehead and your eye got cut. Yuu came running to your side. You gave him a little handkerchief that you always wore. You thought you were dying and so did Yuu. Doctors came and told Yuu that you'd never remember him or anyone else. They took you way and said you needed help. Yuu listened but slowly he thought that you really were dead in a way. So he died as well. He became Kanda and never looked back." Kanda said staring at the wall.

I stared back. This was all so much to take in. it was like the first time the 14th came out. I could hardly make heads or tails of what was going on. My head hurt and I felt so dizzy and lost. I couldn't proses it all anymore.

My eyes closed.

Kanda.

I wanted to call out.

_"It's so dark out, what are you doing out here Aren?"_

But I couldn't.

_"Yuu?!"_

Why couldn't I move?

_"Aren."_

It hurt so much.

_"Neah hurt me again!"_

I wanted to cry.

_"I'm here Aren."_

I wanted to be held.

_"Yuu? Hold me?"_

I wanted to be loved.

_"Sure, Aren."_

"I'm sorry Kanda." Midnight's voice said. "I lied."

"What do you mean?" Kanda snapped.

"The drugs are experimental." She said sadly.

Kanda got quiet.

"They're to try to cure the Noah sickness. The Noah sickness is when a person lives in fear of someone but yet can't live without them. The sickness is when the mind recreates personality in order to feel homely." She said. "We've got 50, 50 results of patents returning to normal." She said. "The chances rise in favor of success to 40, 60 if objects of their past are present when they're induced to the drug." She said. " i'm sorry but Allen will never remember."

* * *

My eyes slowly opened the blackness that had surrounded me was gone. "Kanda." I said looking to the side to see if he was there. "Kanda?" I asked sitting up. He wasn't there. "Kanda!" I called once again.

I sighed and looked at my lap sadly. Where had he run off to? I had so many questions.

"Moyashi?" I heard Kanda ask as he opened the door to my room and a golden puppy came bounding into my room.

"Gkay!" I exclaimed as the dog tackled me to the bed with kisses. "Ugh, doggie: off!" I squirmed trying to get my face away from the k9. I managed to push the dog off and I looked at his white caller. "Timcampy?" I said reading aloud. Tim barked at me and then hopped off my bed running in tight circles as if chasing his tail. "Um…?" I stared at him for a moment then started laughing. "You're cute." I heard my thoughts slip.

"Call him Tim for short." I jumped and looked to Kanda leaning in the doorway.

"Kanda!" I exclaimed and tried to jump from bed. I didn't remember about my leg and being bed bound. I nearly fell and I waited for pain but what I got was strong arms grabbing me. It was less pain then the floor but it did hurt a little.

"Careful, Moyashi." Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Kanda." I said looking up at him as I clung to his arm for balance. "What you said… is it true?" I asked scanning his face for lies.

"Yes." Kanda sighed then wrapped his hands around my waist. I jumped and almost squirmed away but I realized he was putting me back on the bed.

I stared at him for a moment longer. That's when I decided to tell him. "Then why does it feel fake? Why don't I remember you? Or… I mean Yuu?" I asked.

Kanda started at me longer. Then said: "you will never remember." He said then paused as Tim jumped up onto the bed and shoved his head under my hand. "You can't remember. That's why it feels fake." He sighed running his hand though his bangs.

I started at him longer before speaking again. "How do I know that's the truth?" I asked.

"You never will know if it's…" Kanda started but I cut him off.

"No I mean that literally I know what you've told me is the truth I believe it is but why does it sound fake?" I asked scratching the back of Tim's neck as he lay by me wagging his tail like crazy.

"You're the one who feels like its fake." Kanda sighed "to me it's real."

"No I'm asking you. Why do you think it sounds fake to me?"

"I don't know…" Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Because there's no love." I said tears rolling down my face.

Kanda looked up from his lap to me. "I'm here Aren." He said taking his sleeve and whipping my face with it.

A memory placed in black flashed through my head and I spoke. "Yuu? Hold me?" I asked a smile on my face through my tears.

Kanda looked surprised for a second then pulled me in for a hug tightly. "Sure, Aren." He whispered.

I let the tears roll down my face from my eyes. I don't know what my relationship with Kanda was back then. Hell I don't know what it is right now but what I do know is that then, and now: Kanda's there for me.

* * *

**I woke up and did my morning things; you know dressing and things like that. I drove to Ark with Mugen. Allen asked a few more questions about his past after he was done crying and a few things were settled between us. Some he didn't seem to like others he didn't even react to. It was strange. It was like he was trying to accept it. I knew he never really could though. He doesn't remember so he can't accept it. Midnight said that Allen was cured of the Noah sickness- which I also found out what that was- and that he would be let out after a month's watch to make sure he doesn't still have it. I realized he would have no place to go when he got out so I decided that I'd take him in. which meant he had to meat Mugen eventually. I brought her over a few times and Tim just loves her company. Allen and I have bonded a bit more. I realize he's grown up into someone else. and I've excepted that. I've fell in love with the person he is now. I admit it... He's damn cute. Some times even more then that but I'm not some chick who's telling you this... I am not talking about that kind of stuff...**

**I walked with Mugen down the halls and to Allen's room. I opened the door to see Allen sitting on the floor playing tug -of-war with Tim. "Tim, no. Tim, no!" he was trying to pull his pj pants away from the puppy without standing up because of his leg.**

**"Moyashi what are you doing?" I said shaking my head.**

**"Kanda!" Allen jumped and dropped his end to look at me embarrassed. "Ah! Tim, no!" he exclaimed and Tim shook the fabric in his mouth.**

**I rolled my eyes and walked over to Tim. I took a hold of the clothes and pinched Tim's skin between his teeth so he let go. "Here." I sighed handing the pants over to Allen.**

**Allen took them with a blush and a pout. He began to put them on while still sitting on the floor. I wanted to laugh but I didn't. I simply took him from under the arms like you would a cat and pulled him up. "H-Hey!" he exclaimed and squirmed a bit.**

**"Want me to drop you." I said annoyed. He stopped struggling and I held him in a hug setting him back in his bed. He sat there and crossed his arms in a pout. "I'll get your jacket." I said and looked to his shelf to see only a shirt. I picked it up and unfolded it. "Arms up." I said. Allen glared at me with a pout. **

**"It's my leg, not my back I can change myself." He said reaching up to take it from me.**

**"Like I care where you got hurt." I said and slipped it over his head even though he struggled.**

**"Jerk." Allen pouted.**

**"Like him?" I asked looking at Tim who was running circles around Mugen who sat in the middle of the room lazily watching him run.**

**"Yeah." Allen smiled at the hyper active Timcampy. "He's been good company. A little demanding but he can't help it." Allen laughed scratching the back of his head. "I swear his heart beats faster than a normal dog's." Allen paused and left his hand tangled in his hair. He looked as if he were missing something. "That's right…" Allen said taking the red handkerchief from his hair. "This is yours right?" he held it out to me.**

**I started at if for a moment. Then I laughed. That's right I actually laughed. I couldn't help it this time. "It was yours in the first place, Moyashi." I shook my head in amazement and disappointment. Honestly he's still trying to give it to me?**

**Allen looked down at it for a moment with sad eyes. "Midnight said I'll be let go soon." He frowned then looked up at me. "To remember me by." He smiled.**

**A memory played in my head. The moment he laid there in the street. His dull, sad eyes, that same smile on his face. "Take this… to remember me by." Those words stung my heart then as they did now. "I don't need to fucking remember you!" I snapped. There is no way I'm letting him go!**

**Allen looked shocked then a little sad as he took the handkerchief back. "I'm sorry you don't like me anymore."**

**I blinked in surprise. I didn't mean it that way at all. "I don't need to remember you because I have you." I frowned then smiled a bit. Yes I'd smile for Allen. "When you get out you're coming with me."**

**Allen turned and stared at me in surprise. "No." Allen shook his head. "I don't want to leave." Allen said standing up and slipping once to stay up. "They say I'm cured but I don't feel that way." He said his eyes holding fear in side them.**

**"Aren you look fine." I said back crossing my arms, "happier healthier, hell your completion looks better." I looked at Mugen who was trying to ignore Tim crawling all over her. "We're friends. You belong with me. Out there."**

* * *

I couldn't believe him… first he tells me who I was then he says we're friends. We may have been then –Key word "may"- but who is he to say who I am now. Allen isn't me. I'm someone else. I'm…. who am I? The 14th?

_"I am Neah."_

Maybe. Maybe I AM Neah….

I felt my head swimming. Much like it did when I began to change. I knew it I wasn't cured. There is no way.

I'm not Allen. I am Neah, the 14th.

"Kanda." I said gaining his attention. "Get out." I growled. My head was burning. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It hurt.

"No Aren." Kanda said back glaring down at me. "You can't just push me off like that."

"I said out!" I screamed and pointed to the door with a stomp of my foot. I looked up at him demanding he do it or challenge me.

"fine." He spat and walked out the door. "Mugen come on." He said and his black and white pup followed him out the door. I ran over and opened the door for Tim. I stared at him begging him to leave.

He stared at me for a moment then his ears dropped and he wined at me. He walked his way over to me and rubbed his head on my hand.

It suddenly stopped: The feeling of being lost- It ended. All that was left was pain. I stared at Tim who looked so sad. He looked up at me as if begging me to stop. The pain in my leg finally came to me and I fell to the floor. I hissed in pain as my knee hit the tile of my floor. I tried to get back up but I couldn't. My arms became tired for no reason and next thing I know I've fallen to the floor. I felt water roll down my face. I felt Tim's soft fur slip between my arms. My shoulder was numb from the pain that should have come when I hit the ground. I wrapped my arms around Tim. I buried my face in his neck as he turned around and tried to lick my face. I shook with pained shivers and I couldn't breathe again. All I could do was cry.

I'm cured? I really am cured. The 14th is gone. Neah is gone. What hurt was the one question no one could answer. Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

_"Moyashi…"_ I stopped.

_"M-Moyashi?"_

That's right…

_"You're an annoying bean sprout who doesn't think anything's wrong with him and doesn't belong here. What else are you?"_

I don't think anything's wrong with me. Is that so bad to believe? I don't belong here, huh? Then where do I belong? What else am I?

_"I'm not a bean Sprout!"_

I couldn't be, could I?

If I'm not a Noah…

If I'm not Neah…

If I'm not Moyashi…

Then I must be Allen? Right?

_"It's so dark out, what are you doing out here Aren?"_

Yes it is dark…

Then… why can I still see you?

You're smile.

You're Smile?

When did you Smile?

That's right…

Back then…

You smiled back then…

_"I'm here Aren."_

You smiled at me.

Then.

And now.

Kanda. Am I really your Allen? Am I really stuck in the same rut? Did I cry this much back then? Am I still Allen?


	6. With Eyes Like Sunsets Baby

"With eyes like sunsets baby."

* * *

**It's been two weeks. The last time I saw Allen, was two weeks ago.**

**"Kanda?" I ignored the rabbit calling me. He just wants something he won't get from me anyway.**

**"Kanda?" I ignored Leanalee too. It's not that I didn't like her it was that I was too busy worrying.**

**"Do you think he even hears us?" would you shut up rabbit…?!**

**"He's got to." God girls… honestly just leave me alone…**

**"You think he's alright?"**

**"I hope so…"**

**"Shut up!" I snapped. "Leave me alone!" I said and hopped off my bed.**

**"We just want to make sure you're okay." The rabbit cowered.**

**"Kanda you seem out of it…" Leanalee said just as nervous.**

**"So what if I am…" I said glaring at her.**

**"Then go fix it." she said. "That's what you always do right?"**

**I stared at her for a second then it clicked. "yeah." I said a smirk on my face. I grabbed my coat as they stared at each other concerned about the look I gave. I ran out to my car. And hopped in. I rushed off to Ark and ran inside. I came to Allen's door to find him sitting on his bed. "Moyashi."**

** He looked up from his lap as if he had been waiting for someone. "Kanda!" he exclaimed and jumped up. I stared at him shocked as he hugged me tightly. His thin arms around my ribs. My arms wrapped around his back on instinct and I hugged back tightly. "Can I please be your Allen?" He said even though he had his face berried in my clothes.**

**"Moyashi?" I asked. I tried to get his attention to ask what he meant but he wouldn't let me talk.**

**"Kanda." He said gripping the clothes on my back. "I know what happened to Yuu." He said and looked up at me slowly. "He's lost inside. And you don't want to remember. We both don't want to remember. I don't want you to hurt because of me. I'll never remember who I was. I'll never be the perfect Allen I once was. But I've come to see that I love you and your funny names. Like I said I don't know who I used to be. So I love you as you are now. I can't let you hurt. So I'll try to be your Allen again." He said and hid his face in my shirt again crying harder.**

**"Aren." I said and ran my fingers through his long white hair. "You don't have to be something you're not. You're the perfect Allen. No you're the perfect you." I placed my chin on his head. "I don't see you as the old Allen. I see you as you are. And I love you for that. I don't care about having Allen back: I'm in love with you. Whoever you decide to be. As long as you are you."**

**I could hear Allen laugh a bit in my arms. "C-can I just be your Moyashi?"**

**"yeah." I laughed once as well letting a smile creep onto my face. **

* * *

I walked by Kanda nervously looking around. I hadn't been to this part of the ward and I honestly was already amazed by the stuff I didn't know.

"AAAAWWWEEENNNN!" I heard Midnight yell my name childishly before she tackled me in a hug. She pulled back leaving a white straightjacket laying on me. "Sorry but you gotta wear this." She smiled nervously.

"Why?" I asked taking it off my shoulders.

"Because the real world is scarier than in here." She laughed and took it back helping me put it on over my shirt. "You can take it off in the house." She commented. "And then there's this." She said pulling a leash from her back pants pocket and hooked one end onto one of the buckles on my jacket.

"What's that for…" I grumbled with a wine.

"So you don't get lost." She laughed and tried to hand the other end to Kanda who refused by crossing his arms. "Fine: one time we only had this druggie kid for a week and when we let him go he ran off and we found the crazy bastard in a ditch eating someone." She pouted. "So he can't run off if he gets freaked out." Midnight handed the end to Kanda who reluctantly took it.

"Mugen." Kanda called to his dog who came running Tim trotting along behind her happily. "Ready Aren?" Kanda asked as he gave a slight tug on my leash for fun.

"Oh, ha, ha bark, bark…" I rolled my eyes and started down the halls with him again. We walked side by side and I felt strangely comfortable in my jacket when I was by his side.

We came to the doors and Kanda walked out as if it were a normal day. I paused to adjust my eyes to the light. As my vision came back I saw how tall the buildings were and how bright and equine each one was. I was in heaven. I had forgotten about grass but here it was under my feet. Well shoes but it was there no less. I watched each place as we walked by. I noticed a few stares and looks people gave me but I didn't care. I watched as Tim and Mugen ran circles around us keeping a space for us to walk between the busy streets.

"So Kanda do you live alone?" I asked once my fascination was done.

"No." Kanda sighed annoyed.

"Who do you live with friends, family?"

"An annoying rabbit and his friend comes over daily." He rolled his eyes.

"I see…I can't wait to meet them."

"Oh yeah; pure joy."


	7. Had To Find A Way To Get Her Next To Me

yes i know this one is short but the next one is longer so i hope you all still wove me :)

* * *

"I had to find a way to get her next to me."

* * *

**I didn't really want Allen to meet the Rabbit I have for a roommate. Honestly I didn't even want to see him. But he lives in my room daily so they'd meet eventually. I hope it doesn't start off sour though.**

**I opened my room door and walked right in hoping to avoid the rabbit. I opened my closet and looked at the clothes I had bought for Allen. He had been living in nearly the same three pairs of clothes for god knows how long and they didn't even belong to him.**

**"My god that is a big sword…" Allen said wide eyed as he walked in my open door looking up at the sword on my wall.**

**"Yuu-Chan's friend from when they were younger got that for him." that damned rabbit just had to hear me from the kitchen to come disturb me… didn't he?**

**"Who are you?" Allen asked then paused and spoke before he could answer back. "Wait… are you the rabbit?" he blinked.**

**"Rabbit!" said red head exclaimed fake-ly hurt. I could make that pain real… the though almost made me smirk. "My name's Lavi… just Lavi." He smiled and held out his hand for Allen to shake. Ha dumb shit…**

**"Sorry kinda can't." Allen said sadly shifting his arms around in his jacket.**

**"Right sorry." The rabbit retracted his hand.**

**"My name's…" Allen paused thinking it over.**

**"Moyashi." I said. I didn't want him to think too hard about it so I took his attention. "What about your mutt?" I asked glancing over at Tim who had tackled Leanalee to the bed.**

**"Ah! Tim! Down boy!" Allen called. Tim just ignored him. "Ugh… Tim…" Allen sighed. **

**"You need to get voice command over him." I rolled my eyes and started undoing Allen's Jacket. The second it was off Allen ran over and pulled Tim down.**

**"I'm so sorry miss." He said trying to make Tim sit.**

**"It's alright." Leanalee smiled then paused looking at him. "Wait… are you the one who took him in?" she asked sitting crisscross on the floor.**

**Allen nodded. "Yeah. He's been good to me." he stroked the dog's head.**

**"I've never seen him be like this before." She said stroking him as well. "He's never held still enough for anyone to pet him."**

**Allen laughed. "I wear him out by the end of the day." Allen shrugged. "How I do it… even I don't know…" Allen laughed shaking his head.**

**"He's the perfect dog for you." She smiled ruffing up Tim's fur making him bark happily.**

**"Thanks, but Kanda got him for me." Allen hugged Tim where he sat and Tim sat his head on top of Allen's.**

**"So Moyashi-Chan." Damn rabbit… just his voice annoys me. I was fine with Leanalee and Allen but I'd rather not have Allen picking up things he does. "You're a friend of Yuu-Chan's?" he asked.**

**I turned and growled at him. "Don't call me by my first name."**

**"right." The rabbit waved me off. "So do you know him? Do you? Do you?" the rabbit bounced around like a little girl on candy.**

**"Y-yeah…" Allen said leaning away from him a bit disturbed by his energy.**

**"How long have you known Yuu-Chan?" the rabbit pressed. "I've known him for three years!"**

**Allen looked taken back. Its true Allen's only known me for about two months but we've been stuck in a sterile room for each day of it. You have to talk to each other. "W-well I'll say… eight weeks…"**

**"Four years." I said glaring at the rabbit.**

**"Four~!" the rabbit turned on me. "You've known Moyashi-Chan for FOUR years! And you never told me anything…"**

**"I'm not a bean sprout! Don't call me Moyashi!" Allen snapped with a pout.**

**"Then what is your name?" Leanalee asked.**

**Allen froze and looked between the two newer faces pressured into giving a name. He bit his lip and a small frightened wine came from him. "I… I'm…"**

**"Moyashi." I said making him look to me. "Come on, time for bed." I said walking over to my closet and pulling out some jps for him.**

**He hopped up and came over taking them from me in surprise. "Are these new?" he asked looking at them. **

**"Kinda, I never wore them; they were too small." I shrugged and looked back into my closet for my clothes. Allen just looked at them for a second then ran off to the bathroom. Once the door was closed I thought it would be best if I placed my threats now.**

**"Listen you two…" I growled turning around to look at them. "He has no clue who he is or who he wants to be so don't fucking pressure him got it." **

**The both nodded in fright.**

**"And don't you dare say any more about where I got Crown Clown from." I added. I didn't want Allen to know. I didn't want Allen to know that that sword is what REALLY made the scar down his eye. The star is from the car that hit him but his eye was from his Uncle and that exact sword.**

**"Right…" they said shrinking back.**

**"Kanda?" Allen asked opening the door just enough to poke his head around. "They might be small on you… but… uh…" he paused to laugh. "They don't quite fit me."**

**"Are they falling off?" I rolled my eyes.**

**"W-well no… but…"**

**"Then get out here it's not like you should care about that in your sleep." I said sitting on the end of my bed.**

**"But Kanda…" he begged.**

**"What Moyashi?"**

**"My arm…" he said biting his lip.**

**"Who cares?" I said shaking my head. Allen sighed and came out. His shirt neck was lose and it showed his shoulders along with the black markings around the burn some more marks thanks to the car that ran him over. And his sleeve was a bit short showing from his elbow down. He wore black cotton pants that were long enough to trip him. "Get your ass over here and in bed." I said getting up and taking my jps to the bathroom.**

**As I left I felt Allen would be uncomfortable. But after I changed I went out to see him dead asleep snuggling his face into Tim's back who lay outside the blankets unlike Bean sprout. At least he was smart enough to get under the covers… I sighed and pulled up the blankets getting in behind him our backs pressed to each other. "Night, Moyashi…" I said slipping off into sleep.**


	8. I'm Falling In Love

okay maybe not as long as i thought it would be but it's full of feelers so i think it's a good one.

* * *

"I'm fallin' in love..."

* * *

I woke up suddenly to the sound of yelling and a scream like a little girl. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes to see Lavi being chased by Kanda who was pissed and trying to strangle him. I couldn't help but laugh at them.

Kanda paused and looked at me. There was a look in his eyes that was soft. No matter how cold he seemed to others he really did have a soft spot.

"Moyashi, I have school because you're out I have no intern job." Kanda said and walked over to his closet. "I'll be back for a half hour between classes I'll take you out then." He said as he pulled on his uniform jacket. "Stay here." He said as he walked out the front door he added. "God I hate PE."

I watched him leave. After all I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. I sighed and looked around the room ignoring Lavi who ran around in a hurry for something. I thought leaving him alone would be best.

My eyes settled on the sword on Kanda's wall. I'm not sure why but the cross on the blade was something I found odd. The gold didn't fit with the rest of the white and black of the sword. In fact it seemed silly. Like something I clown would play with. If the clown were as crazy as the 14th was.

I took my eyes away from it and looked around the now empty room. Lavi had run off sometime while I was staring at that sword.

"Moyashi." Kanda said walking back into the room. I looked over at him. That was far quicker than I thought. I glanced up at the clock and realized I was staring at that sword for a whole hour! "What's up?" Kanda asked as he put his clothes away and took out clean ones. "Don't you want to go somewhere? Go get your jacket."

I jumped up with a nod. "Right sorry!" I said as I got changed into more fitting clothes that I pulled from my side of the closet.

"You're slow Moyashi." Kanda rolled his eyes.

I pouted and ran over to the door. "Ready?" I asked excited.

"As ready as I am for a copy of your mutt." Kanda rolled his eyes. I wanted to laugh at the joke but it was pointed at me so I just pretend I didn't hear it and opened the door.

Kanda walked me to a park and I couldn't help by stare at everything. Heck some people thought I was creepy I bet. It wasn't my fault that I was locked away for a long time. Kanda showed me a pair of swings. He helped me on one then sat next me. His silence didn't bother me as it did before. Here I felt more open. I felt that his lack of speak wasn't because he was forced to be with me. Here I felt if he didn't like something he'd just walk away. I felt strong here. I felt like I was in control of who I was.

"We have to get back soon." Was all Kanda said as he got up and waited for me.

I slowed the swing and hopped off. I walked beside him quietly. I looked at the grass and marveled the color. I wondered for a second what grass would look like in black and white. The blades all ran in different colors and it would be hard to decide which color it would be. I settled for a mesh of gray and looked around at the trees and the sky. Man how I missed the sky. As changed the world around me was I could always look up and see something I know by heart.

Kanda walked me inside and then wandered off in the big dorm room to change.

"Moyashi-Chan!" I heard Lavi exclaim as arms hugged me tightly. Somehow I panicked and lashed out. Heck I don't even know what I actually did. All I know is that Lavi backed off and was rubbing his shoulder in pain. "What was that for Moyashi-Chan?" he pouted.

"S-Sorry…" I said as I backed away. I felt the bed behind me and I sat down. "I-I'm not used to… Close things like that…" I said with a slight laugh.

"Ah nether is Yuu-Chan." He laughed and sat on his bed across from me. "Are you two going out?" he asked.

"n-no… god no." I said. As much as I wanted to say yes: Kanda and I haven't really talked about what we are exactly so I can't confirm that.

"Leave him alone Usagi." Kanda said coming out of the bathroom and grabbing Lavi by the caller.

"Bye Moyashi-Chan!" Lavi called happily as he was dragged out the door.

I sighed and looked around the room. What now?

I guess I could read the books by Lavi's desk. I picked one up and looked at the untitled cover. He won't mind right? I opened it to see it was his diary. Or journal; whichever you want to call it. I snapped it closed and put it back. Who keeps this in the open? I hope he can't tell I opened it.

I sighed and looked around again. Back to boredom. I looked at the sword on Kanda's wall. That is totally something a sadistic clown would use… I looked closer and I saw something in the golden part connecting the blade and the handle. It looks like something was carved into it.

I got off the bed and walked over to looks closer. "Crown Clo..." It said. I could hardly see the other words on the sword because then disappeared around the angle I was looking at. I gently reached up and took it down. It was heavy and twice my weight but I somehow held it up. "Crown Clown- Mana, Neah, and Allen Walker." I stared at the names engraved into the sword. T-this is… mine… why do I feel this is mine? I decided I wasn't Allen. What does this thing have that's pulling me to it? There's something missing… lost… wait isn't this supposed to be lost? This belongs to Allen Neah and Mana? What's it doing in Kanda's room? Why did he have it? What is Kanda not telling me?


	9. But It's Falling Apart

"But it's falling apart..."

* * *

**I finished my current class and I was stopped at the exit by the rabbit. "You have more classes right?" he smiled a little too brightly. "I don't; remember…" now I see where this is going…**

**"Don't bug Moyashi…" I turned and growled at him.**

**"Okay, okay!" the rabbit practically hid in his hole. "I was just going to ask if I could take him to get something to eat…"**

**"Why ask me…" I grumbled and walked past him.**

**"Because you practically own him…" he rolled his eyes following me down the hall. "Honestly you two aren't together? You and loony boy aren't even kissing?"**

**I had to stop ignoring him for this one. "He's not fucking loony!" I snapped and decide to try to hit him but he dogged this time. Damn him…**

**"Right I can totally see that because you bring him home with you in a straightjacket and he's just staring at everything…" he rolled his eyes. He fucking rolled his eyes at me!**

**"So what where he comes from! He's not crazy!" I snapped running over and taking ahold of his shirt.**

**"Right because he totally knows who he is… does he have split personalities?" he's still going on as I have him in the fucking air! What the fuck is he getting at?!**

**"What the hell are you trying to say?" I growl in his face.**

**"Is he yours or not?" The rabbit asked cockily.**

**I dropped him with a shove. "Stay away from my Moyashi." I said before walking off to my next class.**

**My class passed quickly and I went back to my room as quickly as possible. If that rabbit told him anything…**

**"Kanda?" I heard Allen ask from my bed. I looked over to see he had Crown Clown. I froze. "Where did you get this?"**

**I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to tell him: "your uncle tried to kill you with it and because no one was left to take it they gave it to me."? No I don't think so…**

**"Kanda, where did you get this?!" Allen asked demanding a little harder. His hand clutched the handle tightly.**

**I thought about what to say. Crown Clown had been passed down through the family forever. I was the one to have their names engraved into it. To remember them. As much as I hated Neah he was one of the last living in the Walker family.**

**"What are you not telling me!" he screamed and threw Crown Clown on my bed as he stood up. "Kanda, why would you lie to me?..." he said tears rolling down his face.**

**"Aren." I said his name reaching out to him. I had made him cry… damn it…**

**Allen smacked my hand away and shook his head. "I don't want hear it…" he pushed me aside and ran out the door.**

**"Aren!" I yelled running after him. Damn he was fast. He was outside already and was half way to off campus. I ran after him. My heart hurt. It didn't normally do this… why did it hurt so much? Was it emotional as well? God I hated this.**

**I saw him run to a stop at a crosswalk. I ran closer and I planned to stop him from running this time. He turned around and saw me. The light changed and he ran between the two lines. I saw the car coming. Oh hell, not again! That car wasn't stopping. Not even crossing the street was safe for this unlucky kid. "Aren!"**

**I couldn't help but close my eyes as they became closer and closer. I didn't stop running. I opened my eyes in time to see the slow motion of the accident. It was so blurry though I couldn't describe it in words all I knew is that the vision matched the sound.**

**CRACK!**

**Allen hit the ground hard. The car hadn't stopped. Hell it kept going. Allen's limp body rolled on the ground from rolling over the top of the car. He stopped moving when I got to him. His body shook and blood seeped from cuts on his body and blood marked the street where each part of skin was ripped. He stared at nothing as tears fell from his eyes and blood came from his head. He breathed harshly and tiredly as he visibly forced himself to stay awake.**

**I reached out and carefully rolled him onto his back. He looked at me and said nothing. I was so lost in watching him suffer knowing I could do nothing that I hadn't heard the people starting to call for help. **

**My heart still pounded and it hurt almost as much as if I had gotten shot. I didn't care. I slowly picked Allen's shoulders up and I pulled him into my lap cradling his head. A drop of water landed on Allen's forehead and I realized I was crying.**

**"Kanda." Allen said a tired smile on his face. He reached out and placed his hand on my arm.**

**"Call me Yuu." I spoke clearly but the words I spoke were too mingled and damaged for me to know what I was really saying.**

**"Yuu." Allen corrected himself. "Don't be afraid, don't be sad, and don't ever leave me again, I will do the same." He let a tear roll down the side of his face smudging the blood gathering at the scraping on his cheek. "I won't leave you again." He smiled.**

* * *

i wanted to say thank you to the guest who commented on Chapter 1 because i love each and every one of you readers ^_^ i'll do requested work by any one even guests so please review if there is something you would like me to have on this story like perhaps in the future and alternate ending or any thing you feel i left out questions you'd like to have one ask the other or something like that... love you all!


	10. I Need To Find My Way Back To The Start

"I need to find my way back to the start."

* * *

I woke to the beeping of hospital equipment and the bright look of the walls. I looked around to see Kanda wasn't with me. Where had he run off to now? I laughed in my head.

"Moyashi-Chan?" Lavi asked peaking his head in my door.

"Hey Lavi." I smiled as he walked in and closed the door.

"The doctors say you broke a lot of bones but you'll be fine." He smiled sitting in the chair by me.

"Yeah?" I said smiling back. "Where's Kanda? Why isn't he here?"

Lavi didn't look to happy I asked that question but he also looked prepared to answer. "H-he had a panic attack…" Lavi looked up at my X-rays as he added. "He was so stressed and freaked when you ran that he just… panicked. He hasn't had one before but doctors say he should have had one a long time ago…" Lavi shrugged and sadness was in his eyes so I excused his lose beavered. "I guess he stays so calm…" Lavi shook his head and got up with a deep breath. "Well I'll let you rest." He smiled and walked out the door. I sighed and relaxed into my bed. Actually I wasn't relaxed at all… Lavi poked his head back in the door. "Hey Moyashi-Chan?" I looked over at him. "We are friends right?" he asked.

"yeah." I nodded once with a soft smile.

"good." He said dashing away.

Um… okay… what just happened? I shook it off. After all it was Lavi. I haven't known him long but he seems weird. Lavi will be Lavi so I just pushed it off.

Kanda… had a panic attack? Because of me? I had caused him to go wack…wow… that was all my brain could come up with… wow… Kanda… no… Yuu. He told me to call him Yuu. Yuu freaked out over me… I feel like he's done this before… but when? I shrugged, I gave up trying to remember, and I laid back hoping to fall asleep.

* * *

_"hey." A boy with blue black hair said as he looked down at a boy with brown hair. "What are you doing down there?" he laughed._

_"I-I'm looking for my scarf…" the brunette answered as he dug through boxes._

_"Is this it?" the first boy asked picking up a red handkerchief._

_"Yes!" the younger smiled jumping up and taking hold of the other end. "t-thank you." He smiled and gently pulled it from the other's grasp._

_"I'm Yuu Kanda." The boy smiled letting go. "Welcome to Black Order orphanage."_

_"I'm Allen… thank you…" The second boy smiled as he began to tie the handkerchief around his neck. "Um… wait. What was your name?"_

_The boy laughed. "Yuu. It's like when I mean someone else but it's a name that doesn't come from here. So it sounds funny."_

_"Yuu?" Allen asked tilting his head to the side._

_"Yes. I mean yeah… I'm not answering to… well but then I would be anyway…"Yuu fumbled a bit lost._

_"I'm lost…." Allen said expressing his confusion._

_"I'll help you find your room." Yuu smiled hoping he could help Allen in some way._

_"No I mean I don't get it…"Allen laughed softly and nervously._

_"Get what?" Yuu asked woken from thought about how sweet Allen was to him._

_"Never mind…"Allen laughed._

_"Okay…" Yuu said with a shrug._

_"Thanks…" Allen whispered._

_"You don't need to…"Yuu said placing his hand on Allen's shoulder._

_"Why not?" Allen asked._

_"You're cute that's all you need to give me as thanks…" Yuu smiled taking Allen's hand and leading him out the door._

_"Oh…"Allen blushed._


	11. When We Were In Love Thing Were Better

"When we were in love.  
Oh things were better than they are."

* * *

**_He was cute as he ran around playing in the snow. He looked so happy. He made snow angles and snowmen. I got tired and just watched from a bench as he ran around like crazy coming to show me everything he made. I loved each and every one. They were all different and silly looking._**

**_"Yuu! Yuu!" Allen called running over once again this time with a cup of tea in his hands. "Miss Lotto says it'll make you warm again." He smiled handing it to me._**

**_I took it in my cold hands and then smiled at him. "Thank you Aren." I said then patted the spot by me. He hopped up next to me and kicked his legs as he waited for me._**

**_"Do you like the snow?" I asked after a sip or two._**

**_"Yeah!" Allen laughed. "I love it! What about you, Yuu?"_**

**_"It's nice I guess…" I said then smiled a bit more. "I like the color."_**

**_"White? It's nice but I'd like some colors in it." Allen pouted._**

**_"But if it did then it wouldn't be white." I said._**

**_Allen sat thinking about it for a moment. "Yeah if all white had color then there would be no difference in white and color."_**

**_"right." I laughed softly._**

**_"Allen?" a man in a top hat asked as he walked up to us._**

**_"Yes?" Allen asked back._**

**_"My name is Mana." The man smiled kindly at us. "I've adopted you." He said patting Allen's head._**

**_"Really!" Allen exclaimed jumping up and down. "Yuu, I've been Adopted! I've been adopted!" he laughed and turned around to hug me tightly._**

**_"Good news Aren." I smiled hugging him back._**

**_"A friend of yours?" Mana laughed._**

**_"More than that!" Allen turned around and pouted. "Yuu's very special to me."_**

**_"Y-you?" Mana laughed in question._**

**_"No it's Japanese." I said correcting him softly I looked up at him and I expected him to laugh at me or something but he smiled instead._**

**_"That's a nice name Yuu." He said patting my head. "I promise you; I'll be good for Allen here." He said taking his the same hand and using it to pick Allen up and bring him to his shoulder to hold him. "I don't expect you'll both love me right away but I'll take my time." He smiled and gave Allen a little shake to get his attention. "Would you like to get some coco with your friend? It's on me."_**

**_"Yeah!" Allen squealed and hugged the Mana's neck._**

**_"Alright!" Mana laughed then held out a hand to me. "Want a ride Yuu?"_**

**_I stared at him for a second before I stood up and took his hand. "I'll walk." I said and he nodded before walking beside me. Not leading and not following. It was a bit comforting. His hand was that of a good father. I could just feel it._**


	12. Let Me Back Into

"Let me back into-..."

* * *

**"Aren?" I asked opening his door slowly. I peaked in and he sat there on his bed.**

**"yeah." He said staring a head of himself not looking at me.**

**I sighed and opened his door completely. I pulled in Crown Clown who I had put in a box to sneak in here. I knew I couldn't face Allen without giving Crown Clown to him right after. It was his. Mana would have wanted him to have it.**

**"I want to explain things to you." I said taking the seat by him and pulling Crown Clown from the box. "This belonged to many people in the Walker family. Males, females, children, and grandparents alike…" I placed it on his lap making him look down at it. "There are only three names engraved because… I had that done." I sighed. "It was given to me while they were searching the remains… they found Neah and Mana… hand in hand… Mana was stuck under a beam… Neah stayed holding his hand all throughout the pain of being burned alive… as much as I hated Neah for what he did to you he was a good brother. They're names went first… they told me you wouldn't be coming back for a long time and you'd never remember… I figured you were gone… I never expected to see you again… so the last of the Walker family is gone… your name came next…"**

**Allen slowly turned and looked at me. "The doctors say the scar on my face wasn't from the car… that I had it before the accident…" he paused and looked at the sword. "It was this wasn't it?"**

**I took a long breath in. "yes." I sighed out. "Neah didn't see you as family. All his family before was blood related…"**

**"And I was adopted…" Allen sighed.**

**"yeah." I laughed to try to keep away the sad feelings. "You came from somewhere else."**

**"Yeah… I guess I understand that…" Allen said with an annoyed nod. "You do know how pissed I should be at you right?" Allen frowned and then looked over at me with a soft caring glare.**

**"Yeah." I sighed running my hand through my hair.**

**"I can't stay mad at you for not telling me something I'm never going to remember. You never thought I'd find out something I'll never remember." Allen sighed placing his hands absent mindedly on the handle and the blade of Crown Clown like he had done when he was younger.**

**"Cause you love me." I smirked. I didn't know I had so much power over him.**

**"L-love!" Allen jumped embarrassed.**

**"Yeah... we already admitted it to each other..." I shrugged. "Why not go out?"**

**"Really!" Allen's eyes sparkled a bit.**

**"Why not, it's not weird."**

**"But two guys together... isn't that weird?"**

**"I guess it is weird for this time and age... tell you what... we go do what you want to do when we're outside... and when we're inside..." I got up and hovered over him. "We'll do things I want to..." I smirked before leaning in to his flushed face giving his lips a soft peck. His lips were a bit cold and chapped because of the pain medication they were using on him. Trust me it happened to me too.**

**Allen stared dumbfounded for a few moments then nodded once. "S-sure..." he trailed off with a blush.**

**I sat back in my chair and relaxed in it for a minute. "You really panicked for me?" Allen asked. I sighed and placed my elbows on his bed pushing the chair back a bit as I crossed my arms and laid my head on them staring at Allen. I reached out and took his hand in mine as I pulled his arm into the pile of mine, laying on it as well. I was careful of his arm though, he was bashed everywhere. "That's a dumb question, Moyashi..." I laughed.**

**"Okay." Allen said laying back more and staring at the ceiling. "Better question: what would you say if I told you I'm remembering my past through my dreams?" Allen laughed.**

**One: grate! **

**Two: mood kill **

**And three: Holly shit...**


	13. Back Into Your Arms

"...back into your arms..."

-The Maine

* * *

It's been two weeks and I've been released for the hospital thanks to Midnight. She called to have them release me. Kanda carried me home in silence. I was fine with it. I was so tired and it was only the afternoon. Being in the hospital messed up my internal alarm clock. Not that it wasn't already screwed over. Being locked up the only real thing you could do is sleep. I napped often and if I hadn't had a clock like in the hospital room then I wouldn't know whether it was night or day. Sometimes I still didn't even know. The doctors also said that the bang on my head has caused my memory to come back. They said that my brain needs to shut down to repair the damage to my head and when it does that's when I remember things. The least active time for my brain is when I sleep so that is when I get my memories back. They said because my brain has to repair first I'll fall asleep a lot.

I hadn't realized I fell asleep in Kanda's arms until he was opening the door to the hallways. He carried me up the stairs and into his dorm room. He got me under the blankets and told me to go back to sleep. I nodded and he headed off to his classes.

I almost fell asleep but I wanted to think some things through first. Kanda said Neah hated me… but a part of me doesn't believe that any more. Neah….

I think he loved me…

In his own way…

I now had vivid memories of him hurting me. More than half of them were accidents. Neah would look so terrified after the ones that weren't on accident that I feel like he didn't mean them ether. Thinking about that I drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

_"Allen what are you doing?"_

_"I-I'm making cookies, Uncle Neah…"_

_"I can smell them burning all the way across the tent…"_

_"Sorry…"_

_"They only need to be cooked about thirty minutes at 180 degrees…."_

_"o-oh…"_

_"Why are you making them?"_

_"Mana normally makes them when I get sick… he's not feeling well…"_

_"Let me help you…"_

_"Allen what are you doing?"_

_"Trying to walk this rope…"_

_"Well… we don't actually use rope…"_

_"Ohf…Ow… so what do you really use?"_

_"It's a tie down…"_

_"Why would you tie down the rope?"_

_"No… tie downs are used to hold things down yes but they are thin and flat… we can actually walk on them…"_

_"Oh… I get it now…"_

_"Here… let me help…"_

_"Allen what are you doing with Mana's knives?"_

_"He wanted me to learn to use them…"_

_"Throwing knives…?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Do you know how to hold them?"_

_"Yeah look…"_

_"What was that?"_

_"What happened…?"_

_"You're holding it right but you threw it wrong…"_

_"Oh…"_

_"Here… let me help."_

The sound of a door opening made me open my eyes. "Kanda?" I asked sitting up. I looked over at the front door and he came in looking very tired.

"And so I said…" Lavi came in after him talking in near high speed. "Oh hey Moyashi-Chan!" Lavi smiled.

"It's Allen! A-L-L-E-N!" I shouted. Honesty I was getting tired of him calling me that…

"You mean like on Crown Clown?" Lavi asked surprised.

"Leave him alone Usagi…" Kanda growled and came over sitting next to me.

"Omg he totally is!" he shouted some nonsense at me and ran back to the door. "I got to go tell Leanalady!"

"Omg?" I asked looking at Kanda to help me with what it meant.

"It means 'oh my god'…" Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Ah…"I said nodding. "I get it…" I stared at my hands sitting on top of the blankets for a moment before asking. "What do you want to do Kanda?"

Kanda didn't answer for a few moments so I looked up. He normally answers those questions.

Kanda just sat there staring at the wall broadly as if he hadn't heard me.

"Oh!" I jumped. "I mean Yuu…" I laughed. I kept forgetting he wanted me to call him that.

"What is it Aren?" he asked looking at me.

"I asked what you wanted to do…" I smiled.

Kanda sighed and got up off the edge of the bed. He paused them picked me up like a child from under my arms. I pouted a bit as he carried me out the door.

"Let's go to the circus…"

* * *

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